


Not Alone

by carolc24



Series: Deitale [3]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Deitale, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Suicidal Ideation, falling down - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-25 07:38:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7524154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carolc24/pseuds/carolc24
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alphys Falls Down after the DT experiments.  Someone is there to help her wake up again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Alone

**Author's Note:**

> More for the Deitale AU, where Papyrus is a God of hope who prevents monsters from falling down. This time Alphys-centric because I love Alphys.

Alphys is surprised to find herself in the realm of the Seraph.

She recognizes it almost instantly from the accounts given by monsters who had Fallen Down over the years, painstakingly collected by her predecessor and left in the lab for her to peruse. It's as if images of outer space are actually images of this place, taken with black and white film, with the vivid yellows of the starry dots and the way that the dark void appeared to be many colors in one, rather than just a dull black. She can't move herself around very well, but there's enough to see in front of her that she doesn't really mind.

And then there's Him.

He doesn't look much like the old statue in Waterfall she visited once, really. He looks much younger, and his face is full of angles and edges, like Sans's face but longer and more square. His expression is the most confusing part, though. All of the accounts she had read described him as looking serene, wise, maybe a little concerned, but otherwise as unaffected as one would expect a God of hope to be. The statue matched that description, although different monsters seemed to see the statue in different ways (maybe there was some kind of magic in it).

The Seraph, who is most commonly identified by his wide smile, isn't smiling at first. He looks completely at a loss for what to do.

This is so off-putting to Alphys that she forced herself to break the silence. "Are you really the Seraph?" she asks. She's sure of the answer, but she doesn't know what else to say.

He seems to shake himself for a second, and then he smiles. Even if it isn't a genuine smile, it's a comforting sight. "THAT IS WHAT MORTALS CALL ME, YES. HAVE YOU BEEN EXPECTING TO SEE ME?" His voice is loud, or maybe the way sound carries in this realm is different from home. Somehow, this doesn't make him more intimidating. It's nice, in an almost nostalgic sort of way, although Alphys couldn't possibly explain why she gets that feeling.

"Um, I read that you give hope to monsters who are in despair. But I didn't think I would actually... come here?" In retrospect, it seems obvious. She had been in such a bad way lately, she was sure something would snap in her eventually and she would end up dead, with all of her charges left to starve in the basement. But this specific outcome had never occurred to her.

The Seraph speaks up again, and his voice is a little softer, like he isn't quite sure what to say. "AS OF LATE, I HAVE BEEN... KEEPING AN EYE ON YOU, ALPHYS. IT SEEMS THAT YOU ARE FEELING LOW, AND YOU HAVE NOT TALKED TO ANYONE ABOUT THIS. WOULD TALKING ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW HELP? I WILL NOT TELL ANYONE WHAT YOU SAY." He smiles a little more at the last sentence.

Alphys is torn at first. On one hand, she would love to purge all of her awful thoughts instead of keeping them bottled up, as she had been doing for weeks. But she doesn't like the idea of admitting that she was thinking those thoughts, even to someone like the Seraph. Her first instinct wins out. After all, he already knows something's wrong with her, just by virtue of being here. What else does she have to lose?

"You.. you know about the experiments I did, right?" He nods. He's watching her closely, but it doesn't feel like he's staring, exactly. Just listening.

"Well, I'm not going to do any more like them. I decided that pretty much right away. But I still have the subjects, and I haven't told anyone about what happened to them." She takes a deep breath. "I can barely look at them now. Not because they're bad-looking or anything! I just, I keep getting reminded of how badly I screwed up. So I only go see them when I feed them." He probably knew all of this already, but she needs the time to figure out what to say.

"I know what I should do. I should call Asgore and tell him what happened, and then call all of the families and give the subjects back. So they can live real lives instead of being stuck in the lab. I have a whole script written out for what I'd say to Asgore." She wonders if someone would find it in her room, if she were to die here. "But I can't do it. I can't bring myself to pick up the phone anymore. Every time it rings, I go and hide somewhere and wait for it to stop. I have all these voicemails and letters piling up, and I can't respond to any of them."

The Seraph doesn't say anything. She realizes he's expecting her to continue, and suddenly realizes what he must expect her to talk about. What horrible things he must know about her.

"...All I do these days is lie around the house hating myself, or trying to distract myself from hating myself with pointless comics and anime and other stuff like that. I don't even take care of myself properly. And when I feel, really bad..." Her throat swells up and she can't continue. She wrings her sweaty hands and idly wonders how she could be sweating in a place like this.

"You hurt yourself." The Seraph's voice is so quiet. So flat. Her stomach twists up, and she nods, unable to say anything else. Thoughts swell up suddenly, about how her stupid habits are disturbing the Seraph, and she's making him unhappy, she's an awful train wreck of a person, she should just disappear forever so she won't hurt or inconvenience anyone ever again-

A gloved hand touches her shoulder, and she feels something odd and light bubbling up inside her, not making the thoughts disappear, but diluting them, making them feel less important. She remembers reading about others getting surges of hope when they encounter the Seraph, made almost unrecognizable by the depth of their misery, but slowly bringing them out of it.

"These feelings..." The Seraph's voice is still quiet, but it's a little stronger now. He's looking right into her eyes. "They are not your fault. They do not make you bad, or weak, or a failure. Your way of dealing with them, although not ideal, does not make you any of these things, either."

She starts crying. It's funny, how she can have so many horrible thoughts about herself and keep a straight face, but as soon as someone says something nice to her, she immediately falls to pieces. She can't even bring herself to feel guilty as the Seraph embraces her. She rests her head on his shoulder, and watches the starry yellow particles trailing off his cloak.

Finally, her breathing is even again, and when she pulls away, she realizes that the stinging wounds from when she last harmed are gone. The Seraph must have healed them, or maybe they just didn't manifest in this realm. It's a nice feeling, either way.

"SO, YOU ARE UNSURE IF YOU CAN DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOURSELF AND THE SUBJECTS." It's a relief to hear the Seraph speaking loudly again. His quiet voice sounded so personal, like it was something she was never meant to hear. "IS THIS CORRECT?"

"Um, I guess?" She's wringing her hands again, and she doesn't want to meet his eyes.

"WELL," she can feel his eyes on her, "YOU ARE VERY STRONG, AND BRAVE, AND INTELLIGENT. I BELIEVE YOU WILL MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION! BUT, IT IS OKAY IF YOU NEED HELP FROM YOUR FRIENDS." She wants to point out that she doesn't have any real friends, but he isn't finished. "LIKE METTATON! HE MAY NOT ACT LIKE IT, BUT HE WOULD HELP YOU IF YOU ASKED HIM. HE IS VERY GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE FOR HIM, AND HE CARES ABOUT YOU VERY MUCH." His smile gets even wider. "AND MAYBE, YOU WILL MEET SOMEONE NEW SOON! SOMEONE WHO SEES HOW COOL AND INTERESTING YOU ARE, AND WOULD DO ANYTHING TO MAKE YOU HAPPY!"

This is utterly mystifying to her. Even more mystifying is that he winks after saying this, and it must be audible somehow, because she can tell it happened even without looking at him. In spite of herself, she giggles nervously.

"IN ANY CASE, REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE. NO ONE EXPECTS YOU TO BE THE GREATEST ROYAL SCIENTIST THE UNDERGROUND HAS EVER SEEN WITHOUT HELP! YOUR FRIENDS WILL SUPPORT YOU AT EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. AND I WILL SUPPORT YOU, TOO! EVEN AFTER YOU LEAVE HERE, I WILL BE WITH YOU. I WILL LEND YOU SUPPORT IN ANY WAY THAT I CAN!"

Another light feeling spreads through her, like ink in water. In that moment, she feels like she could do anything. Even answer the phone and tell Asgore everything she had done, and then get to work fixing the mistakes she made. But...

"Can I stay here a little while longer?" She can't help but ask. She feels a little selfish for trying to stay with the Seraph for so long, but she enjoys his presence, and she doesn't want to stop feeling like this.

"THIS REALM IS NOT MEANT FOR MORTALS, SADLY. BUT YOU SHOULD HAVE A FEW MORE MINUTES! WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO SHOW YOU AROUND?" He reaches out his hand, and in that moment, he looks just like the statue in Waterfall. Alphys almost expects his hand to be shiny with oil, from all the monsters who had held it over the centuries.

"Heck yes!" She blushes a little at the childishness of the statement, but the Seraph just laughs as she takes his hand.

"NYEH HEH HEH! OKAY!"

Her problems are still there when she wakes up. She still feels a shiver of fear when she feeds the Amalgamates, still flinches when she hears the phone ringing and can't bring herself to look at the pile of letters on her desk. But she feels just a little bit braver, and she thinks that maybe she can do this after all.


End file.
